I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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