Girls should come with a carfax report
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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