Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
