our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
