Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
