Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
