remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
