His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its not stalking. its research.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
