so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
