The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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