As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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