my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
