You can't special order awesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As shirtless as possible
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
