And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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