HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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