he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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