by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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