if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
