Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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