I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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