Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
