Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize