capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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