i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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