theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
