I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
