when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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