he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
