"it" just moved
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
