All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
