He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you never un-have a 4some
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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