do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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