I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
