he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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