lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
