i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
