my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did you just send me my own nude
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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