i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
