Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
