I wish I could teleport
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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