so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
