careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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