now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
