so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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