He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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