I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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