There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm too high and old for this...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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