Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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