I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
