i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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