we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
