chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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