i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
