Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He shit in the fireplace
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
