It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
