honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize