Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
