no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
