The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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