WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
