Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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