Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
