I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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