Sry I called you an 8
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
