I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize