I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
